Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
