god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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