I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
