Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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