I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
