Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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