I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
