Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
