So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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