i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
