I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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