we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
