All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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