considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
