At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think my moral compass just broke
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