Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
