we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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