guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Randomize
