Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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