she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
