Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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