she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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