If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
