Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
