dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
