I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
