I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
