Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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