I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
