It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
