Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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