I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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