Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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