I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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