You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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