do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
