He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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