A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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