Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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