I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
