I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
