I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
