I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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