He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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