Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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