im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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