the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
