I wish I could teleport
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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