Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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