did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
