My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Rumble strips road head = magical
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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