I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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