DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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