Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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