i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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