I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Life is so much better after having sex.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
