i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
