Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
