You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
