dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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