on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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