Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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