Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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