Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
