Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
