turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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