I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So vagazzling was a success
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
