so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Watching her eat just hurts me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
