sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
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LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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