I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
