ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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