did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
