Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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