just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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