literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
