As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
