I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
