Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
