ya dads aren't the best wingmen
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
