we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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