So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I know her cup size but not her name....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
