We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
