I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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