One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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