According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
