Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
