right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
