Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
