I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
